In the Flow of Becoming reads like a quiet conversation with the self.
What was the first feeling or question that gave birth to this book?
We have people around us who are smiling, always seem happy, while hiding their underlying tensions. And it is necessary to know that their actions are the effects of these pressures that they try to repress deep inside consciously or unconsciously. Having dealt with many people with similar backgrounds, I felt the urge to tell their stories in a different thread but still conveying their struggles, so as for us to know the deeper conflicts. Thus, for us to understand them and their actions, let alone helping them.
The story explores anxiety not through loud moments, but through silence and inner tension.
Why was it important for you to portray anxiety in this subtle, inward way?
Anxiety is not always loud as we think or we see in movies. It is often subtle, or the person who has it tries to make it so, by years of experience in hiding their inner struggles. However, it comes out in certain actions which we would not realize it as the effects of these suppressed tensions. Hence it is necessary for us to understand that it is okay to express what we feel if not always but at least in our comfort areas or else it would all get erupted creating larger repercussions.
As both a psychologist and a writer, you hold two powerful lenses.
How did your professional understanding of the mind influence the emotional truth of this story—without turning it into a textbook?
As a therapist, I deal with people with different neurotic issues and the most occurring one is the anxiety disorder. And it with each client, I get more and more deeper into these issues, that stems from multiple causes be that from family, friends, work. But here in my book “In the Flow of Becoming”, the anxiety is as a result of the underlying OCD. I have made it as subtle as possible, as the real intensity of these disorders are often very much disturbing to read even.
The protagonist learns not to fight her inner tides, but to float with them.
Was surrender a difficult concept for you personally, or did it come as a quiet realization over time?
As in every problem we face, the initial reactions would be to deny that we have that issue, then later on we would try to fight with it. And sometimes, we would succeed in fighting, but unfortunately not every time. If we don’t succeed, we would be in a constant struggle to deal with it, or by covering it. And when external situations are going well, we would be able to cover well. However, the situations cannot be always favorable, and when multiple of such unfavorable circumstances pop up, our ability to cover up the inner struggles fail and it would be manifested in severe consequences.
But as we grow, we would realize that it is better to surrender or to put it in a better way, is to accept how we are, making life comparatively easier to deal with.
The book speaks to invisible struggles many people carry without words.
What do you hope readers who feel “seen but unheard” take away from this story?
There are many people around us like that, who feel seen but unheard. I want them to know that they aren’t alone. The person next to you, might also be going through this. Hence, speak about it, let’s make it known that it is common, and there is no need to hide it anymore.
Healing in the book feels nonlinear—messy, tender, and deeply human.
How do you personally define healing, and how does that definition shape the narrative?
As said before, healing of these mental struggles isn’t similar to the physical illness, where we take medicines, and the symptoms gets cured after the prescribed doses.
Mental struggles or illness takes time, it cannot work just with medicines, but needs therapy as well, which takes time, patience and the confidence that things will get better. Also, depends majorly on how we take the advice from the therapist, how we practice it in our daily lives and how much control we take on our choices. As we see in the book, when Ray started being regular for the therapy, and when she herself took the stand to change is when things started to change for her. And that is when healing happens.
There is a recurring sense of slowing down—of pausing, breathing, becoming.
Do you think modern life leaves enough room for this kind of inner listening?
The life around us is so fast, and noisy that we seldom get time to look into ourselves. We often hear self-love as we scroll through the reels, but we hardly practice it. It is not just the modern life, but any time we take, unless we take time to pause and breathe, it would be hard for us to become the person we would love ourselves to be.
Writing about anxiety and inner unraveling can be emotionally demanding.
Did writing this book feel more like release, reflection, or responsibility?
As a psychotherapist, I’m used to these kind of stories, or even tougher ones from my clients. Hence, it was not emotionally demanding. But I felt responsible enough to make sure not to go intense that it would be disturbing for many readers. I had to be in that line where the readers are not deeply affected but at the same time get the emotions Ray was going through. And I believe, I was able to do it, as many of the feedbacks from the book, were that they were able to relate to Ray and her feelings.
As someone who works closely with individuals and couples,
did any shared human patterns or unspoken themes find their way into this story?
Yes, of course. The pattern of behavior was from my experience with people with obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety disorder. But again, as I said before, I didn’t go much deeper into the real intensity because not everyone would be comfortable with that. I want people to read the book, and empathize with the character.
Also, as someone who works with couples, the importance of having a partner who is patient enough, understands the idiosyncrasies and being considerate of the vulnerabilities of the other is beautifully portrayed in the book through the character of Roy. And he is my favorite character in the book, as how beautifully he cares for Ray even when he is not around.
When a reader closes In the Flow of Becoming and sits in silence for a moment,
what do you hope they feel—or allow themselves to feel—for the first time?
In the Flow of Becoming is not just the story of someone going through the inner struggles. It is also the story about friendship, importance of having our own gang or tribe where we evolve together, accepted unconditionally, with whom we can just be us. It is important that every woman and man should have that group. It is also the story that portrays parent- child relationship, how it evolves as the child and the parents grows older.
And the most beautiful part of the story which I like is the relationship between Roy and Ray, where Roy was smart enough to understand what his girl friend was going through despite the constant effort from her side to cover it up. He pretending to be ignorant by being considerate to understand why she was trying to hide her flaws. How beautifully he handles her needs even when he sees nothing in return. And also his deliberate effort to get back to her when life took a series of unexpected detours.
In the Flow of Becoming is a simple book portraying all these delicate relationships. So, after reading the last sentence, as the reader the closes the book, I hope to bring a smile on their face, feeling calm and relaxed.
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