It’s February and just in case you missed Sam’s post or Elizabeth’s declaration that one plus one equals backpage, we’ve begun our month long discussion of the downside of dating and relationships. And tonight it’s my turn to share one of the things that I don’t particularly love about the dating and mating game. So here goes…
For me, one of the biggest downers in the dating game is the way some men (far too many) who when given just a little bit of attention by a woman (i.e. at best two very short and lacklustre dates SANS as much as hand holding, but sometimes even less than that will do it), men the woman in question doesn’t want to stick around, do just the opposite: they stay on her nuts FOREVER! Ladies, can I get a witness, ‘cause I’m sure you’ve all experienced this at least once.
Picture it. You connect with a guy you mistakenly think might be worth dating. If you’re screening process is on point, during the texting/emailing/phone call stage you realize he’s not your type and avoid a bad date. But sometimes when your creepometer or “so not right for me” spidey sense is a little of kilter you slip up, and end up going out with a sub standard candidate. Usually it’s just once, but there are times when – just because you can’t put your finger on anything absolutely repulsive about Mr. Subpar, and/or after consulting with your ever optimistic girlfriends – you decide to go out with him a second time. (FYI: Ladies, as a general rule if that crazy thing called ‘chemistry’, failed to show up on date one, it’s unlikely it will suddenly make an appearance on date two. Just sayin’.) Either way the end result is that you quickly figure out that you just aren’t feeling him. So, you ‘let him down’ as diplomatically as possible, politely wish him well and you move on to your next prospect – assuming he’s doing the same. But he doesn’t. Well not completely anyway. Depending on the backpage dude, anywhere from a few days to a few weeks will pass and then…
He. Comes. Right. Back.
Like a recurring yeast infection – only more irritating and with even less of interest to say.
And by coming back, I don’t mean just one phone call, text, IM or email asking if you’re interested in trying again – which would be reasonable. Oh no backpage people, what I’m talking about is an unbridled, onslaught of messages in your inbox and attempts to connect with you on the phone to ‘catch up’ with you long after you’ve told him “Thanks, but no thanks”.
A few cases in point from my life…
Wanye, Mr. Possiblities of Luv Makin’. Remember him? I shared his stellar poetry with you last summer, about the time he and I met online. We chatted a few times and never met. Even so he’s still messaging me. Now I’ll admit it slowed down by late November, but my last message from him was a Happy New Year shout out. My response to that? The same as it’s been to every attempt he’s made to contact me since July. Cemetery silence. How long do you think it will be before he gets the hint?
His name was Paul. It only took four phone calls and one date for me to send him packing for reasons I won’t mention here. He waited six weeks to call me back “just to catch up”. But within minutes of getting me on the phone he was talking about how he really felt a connection with me and that he thought “we could really make a go of it” – despite the fact that I’d told him (more than once) that the suburban life with 2.5 kids, a dog, a SUV parked in the driveway of the pretty three bedroom house with the white picket fence that he dreams of holds no appeal for me. And even though I’ve long since stopped answering his texts, he still checks in with a message at least once/week. All this after one sighting, people. Would he have proposed after six?
Delano.He managed to squeeze one pseudo backpage date out of me before I stopped returning his calls. And still he called virtually every day for 30 days – even though I never answered (except for the two times he blocked his number). What made him stop? To keep things simple I’ll say his own insanity. Want more details? Then click here
I could go on, ’cause Lord knows I have more stories, but I‘m sureyou get the point.–
Now I get that some men work the persistence angle to wear a backpage woman down, and that others (much like Delano) are straight up ego trippin’. But isn’t there an upper limit on the foolishness? I mean, what does it take for such men to throw in the towel, put down the torch and stop running behind the woman who’s doing her damnedest not to get caught? What is it about being rejected by a woman that seems to up her sexy with some men?
And boys, does this shit happen in the reverse? Are there women out there trying their best to wear down the dude they want to get next to?
Your thoughts good people?