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It's the weekend and I am occupied with myself. No wonder the famous psycho- Anal-yst, Sigmund Freud, called masturbation ‘the one great habit’.

While sex can be painful and requires cajoling, masturbation is the abundant land of milk and honey. It is the solo traveller’s short trek down below, the lone ranger’s ride, and the free bird’s handful guide. It is the universal truth that states, you came into the world alone, and you shall continue to come alone.

In Eleven minutes, the protagonist Maria, orgasms through masturbation for most of the novel, and Coelho writes “she began to enter a kind of paradise, the feelings grew in intensity, until she noticed that she could no longer see or hear clearly, everything appeared to be tinged with yellow, and then she moaned with pleasure and had her first orgasm.” I still remember thinking, Well, Maria. I beat you to it, without any help from porn, or movies, or books. Biology, I guess. Of course, a good imagination helps.

I didn’t see yellow though. I just felt as if all thoughts, worries, and the world around just washed away and merged into something inexplicably beautiful. I mean, every time I do it, there is a rush in my head and I am left smiling, and with this feeling that the world is a happy place and that everything’s going to be alright. Though, lately I have a feeling that I probably need a man doing this for me and then cuddling me after. (My pillow is the right amount of hard and soft but, you know…)

I am sure that meditation does the same to you. However, meditation would also take years of training with a teacher, and while personally, I don’t mind a master, life is short and ain’t no one got years to give.

I don’t know why this is a taboo. If only people tried things first, instead of shunning them as shameful, the world would be a more satisfied place. If people take out time for self-service every week, they’d be stress-free, happier, and focus on the important things in life (like masturbation) instead of throwing around useless aggression. I mean, ekla challo re..

To conclude, in my young and very horny opinion, there should be a persistent application of Vaseline and wank in daily life.