LESBIAN,GAY AND SOCIETY
Imagine all of a sudden, you are asked a question, "Who are you?". What could possibly be the answer? "I am a girl or boy working here, getting a salary of this much, husband or wife of someone" and etc. Do we really care about anything other than that? Even we don't remember to the answers for these questions few days later unless or otherwise the person means something to us. But if a person says, "I am a gay/lesbian", then just think of the aftermath of this dialogue. Yes, we are 21st century people, individuals with modern thoughts, rebellious people who protest on and off the social media. But still now, many of us aren't able to accept the terms 'lesbian' and 'gay'. A few are open minded, they agree and accept these stuffs. But the talk here is about the majority of the people.
So who are they? We call them lesbian and gay. But what are they in real? How did they become so? Sexologists and researchers define sexual identity in the form of a scale. Like the people on the either ends are taken as lesbian or gay and the people who stand in the middle are normal people. Sexual identity is partly determined by biological factors and by their own behavior and mindset. So a person becoming a lesbian or gay isn’t something we could or even they could control or change. There are a lot of physiological and psychological factors behind that.
Just two simple questions, "Why can't people accept?" and "Why don't people accept?". Because the main issue in society is about accepting and rejecting. Secondly it is about the way we see them and interact with them.
Coming to the first question, the biggest obstacle is the culture. People in India have certain basic principles and etiquette based on which they lead their life. "A man for a woman" is an important thought that helps them take their first step towards their marital life. So in these cases, be it 'a girl for a girl' or 'a boy for a boy', this completely contradicts the base they had built these many years. More precisely speaking, it's linked to the roots than the people. How modern we may be, at some points, it is the culture and tradition that people value the most.
Taking a deep look into the second question, "Why don't we accept?". See, the world is a beautiful place. One has the right to choose their partner and lead a life they wish. So what is the harm in choosing the partner they wish? Are they doing any crime? (People who consider it as a sin according to Bhagvat Gita, Bible, Quran or whatever, please stay away from this. Because the same noble books state the principle, 'never indulge in other's life unnecessarily'.) Did they ask your bedroom or sneak into your house? Our country and people are really generous you know? Rapists, murderers, terrorists, robbers are never disturbed. They are free to fly, travel, live anywhere. Whether we accept it or not, their life is calm and composed. But think of these people. If we could spare them, then why can't we give these people the life they deserve?
The next big picture is, trying to change them or making their life return to the right track.( Oh people, please.) These people you know, come up with new ideas. The first among them is getting them married off to someone. Imagine a lesbian marrying a normal man and a gay marrying a normal girl. (The word normal is just confined to their sexual behavior, and nothing else.) So what did these people think about themselves? They call themselves as creative(!) and highly innovative (!!) because they believe that their son or daughter's life would be on the right track from then. (Their wild imagination unfolds like this, they jump into the bed and within ten months a beautiful baby would come out.) Wow, how sweet!!
Instead of getting sorted out, issues start getting magnified from here. Not just a single one, instead two lives are getting spoiled here as a whole. The next thing our people experiment out is, trying to divert them. As a first step of this lengthy process, their horoscopes are checked.(hehe). After that, temple visits, fasts, prayers, sacrifices everything occur. If people from rural villages try this, then there is a point in it. They don't have the awareness. But people in big cities too go with the same procedure, that is the irony here.
But yes, we hear your voice. As a parent or sibling of a lesbian or gay, you could do nothing. You will try all means to bring the person out of it. You aren't left with any other option. All you want is a safe and secure life for your beloved one. So you keep on trying something or the other to distract them.
But if you really want to do something good, sit and have a good talk with them. Take them to a sexologist and understand the situation they are going through. People really need to understand what is going on in everyone's life. They may be your beloved ones, but that doesn't mean that you can decide their life. We are individuals with unique opinions who belong to this world. We support each other whenever needed, that's it. No expectations, no regrets.
And people see it just as a means of sexual pleasure and getting infatuated. But in real, it is much more than that. Like how others fall in true love, they too fall for it. They share their feelings, build dreams, develop trust and a mutual bond is formed between them. (for the outside world, even for the concerned people, it may feel like a child’s play.) But deep inside, they will be attached with the person.
Every relationship in this world, whether we accept it or not, comes with a value. More than value, it is about the calculation. Simple, why do people prefer marrying educated ones? Why do men marry women less than or equal to their age? (Revolutionary people who believe in the concept of marrying elder women, please no, it is not about freedom. It is about compatibility.) Whenever we develop a bond, we need it lifelong and more seriousness is needed. But with lesbian and gay, if they aren’t clear on their stand, there are higher chances of pain and disappointment. This is another reason why their families don’t accept this fact. Problems are everywhere, but the intensity and seriousness in this type of issues vary.
“How will others think about it?, How will I answer them? You know, our opposite flat xxxx aunty mocked at me today morning regarding our son’s condition(?). My colleague is suggesting a new idea to bring our daughter out of this problem(??).” This isn’t a condition or a problem. Our society still has to grow. I am not justifying lesbian or gay here. Okay, fine. Agreed, she is a lesbian. Did she invite you for sex? And, he is a gay. Did he forcefully do something to you? Are they going to cut water provision and electricity in your house just because you have a lesbian in your home?
It’s just about the way you look at the stuffs. If you didn’t know that he/she is a gay or lesbian, would you react like this? Your managers, higher authorities, even if you know their reality, do you have the guts to go against them? No, isn’t it? Right or wrong is secondary, please people, let them live their life in their space. Always keep in mind, everyone is fighting their own battles.
THEY ARE HUMANS WHO NEED AFFECTION AND KINDNESS. IF YOU CAN GIVE THEM THAT, GO AHEAD. ELSE, PLEASE….