extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful
We’ve all endured the company of people who were not shooting for our highest good. It’s hard to see what’s best for yourself when you give your everything to a relation. It’s not always easy to remember who you are and what you want.
The label “toxic” means something that drains life and energy. Before you know it, you are weak and feeble, subject to the whims of the person to whom you’ve given your power.
You start to lose yourself and forget to make yourself and your happiness a priority. You tend to believe that they are all that you have. That something so good, almost precious would not happen ever again. You start believing that no matter how they treat you, it is what you deserve, and it MUST be something that you did which caused the change in them.
And you start believing that having them around is the best for you, without realizing or wondering about all that you’re putting at stake; your heart, your self-esteem and your love for yourself. You’re so busy in loving them, you, more often than not, forget that you deserve love too. You deserve the kind of love you’re giving them.
Now, do not confuse a person being toxic, to them being critical. Criticism can often be positive. Toxicity never is. When a friend is critical, they will suggest all that’s wrong with you and help you fix them. When they’re being toxic, they will make you feel worthless and inferior. They’ll not try and lift you up, but rather, would let you stay there and might as well kick you when you’re down.
And whoever filled your mind with the fact that only your friends or your love interest can be toxic, was wrong. Even family members, the people who you’ve known for years, can prove to be harmful to you. As far as it is concerned, many-a-times. some of the most poisonous people are often disguised as family. And generally, they’re the hardest to cut off, but also the main ones.
Do not ever forget, my dear, the people in your life should be a source of your happiness and should help you grow, not to give you vague stress and make you feel bogus and barren.
If it hampers your growth, leave.
If the thought of letting go comes every second day, leave.
If you cry every night to sleep, leave.
If, when you look back at your times together, and you recall moments when they hurt you more than how much they made you happy, leave.
If you need to convince yourself by saying, “But they have made me happy too. This is just a phase.” Leave.
If you give yourself reasons for them treating you badly, leave.
If the only reason you’re with them is because they have been there when you were low earlier, leave.
If the time span of your friendship is the only thing keeping you together, leave.
If the only reason you’re with them is to save them, leave.
Because, John Green was correct in stating that you can never save someone by letting them destroy you.
It isn’t as easy as it seems, I know. You will lose a huge piece of yourself. You will forget how to breathe and how to function. Your bones will ache, your hands will shiver. You wouldn’t be able to look beyond the pain, the hurt.
But you need to. And I promise you, one day you will. Just figure out the difference between ‘giving up’ and not taking their shit anymore.
And no, you won’t probably, ever, get back to being who you were before you ever met them. You will change, drastically. But things will get better. They will be fine. They will be how they’re supposed to be. And you will be happy; happier than you were ever with them. Someday, you will look back and cringe how you could tolerate such unhealthy people. Because there is no flower brighter than the first to bloom after a harsh winter.
Always remember, my love, that it isn’t selfish to keep yourself as your priority. It isn’t rude or self-centered to worry about your happiness before you start making others happy. It is your duty. Because, let’s face it, no one knows you better than you do. And even so, if you cannot love yourself with all your heart, how can you expect anyone else to?