" Rukh Zindagi ne mor lia kesa , humne socha nhi tha kbhi esa. Ata nhi yakeen kya se kya ho gya , kis tarah mei tujhse yuh bewafa ho gya. Insaf kar do ,mujhe maaf kardo." It's 2:45 am, the silence around me is bliss, no noise, the lyrics are taking me to a different world and I started fighting my internal demons. We often tend to neglect our mental health. One of the most common illness that is overlooked is depression. People think depression is sadness. People think depression is crying. People think depression is dressing in black. But people are wrong. You toss and turn in your bed so that sinking feeling in your stomach goes away, but it doesn't. You wish your mind could just stop thinking, just for a moment, so you can trick your mind into falling asleep but it doesn't. It hasn't for 3 months now. You remind yourself of happy memories, but there don't seem to be any. The more you try to remember, the more miserable it feels. The worst part is, you don't know what caused this storm. Could it be the recent heartbreak? Or the fact that you've lost all your friends? Is it that you've lost all confidence in life. And that's what keeps you up all night. There's a sense of permanence in turmoil. It doesn't seem like it's ever going to be okay. Days aren't really days; they are just annoying obstacles that need to be faced. And how do you face them? Through drinking, through smoking, through drugs, through cutting. When you're depressed, you grasp on to anything that can get you through the day. Everything's going wrong all at once. With every step you take, your world collapses a little more. Nobody knows what you're going through, no matter how much they pretend to. They can't see what's hiding behind your smile. How can they not? You know what depression really feels like? Nothingness. It feels empty - zilch. There's nothing inside you, nothing around, nothing to look forward to. Nothing to fall back on. Nothing that you can see.
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